Lots of Funs: 2008

Monday, December 29, 2008

YOUR NAME'S MEANINGS

Instructions : What u do is find out what each letter of ur name means.
Then connect all the meanings & it Describes YOU. [Its True & isn't it Great]
If you have double or triple letters, just count the meaning once.
For Example : WONDOR

W = You like your privacy.
O = You are very open-minded.
N = You like to work, but you always want a break.
D = You have trouble trusting people.
O = You are very open-minded.
R = You are a social butterfly.

A = You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
B = You are always cautious when it comes to meeting newpeople .
C = You definitely have a partier side in you, don't be shy to show it.
D = You have trouble trusting people.
E = You are a very exciting person.
F = Everyone loves you.
G = You have excellent ways of viewing people.
H = You are not judgmental.
I = You are always smiling and making others smile.
J =Jealously.
K = You like to try new things.
L = Love is something you deeply believe in.
M = Success comes easily to you.
N = You like to work, but you always want a break.
O = You are very open-minded.
P = You are very friendly and understanding.
Q = You are a hypocrite.
R = You are a social butterfly.
S = You are very broad-minded.
T = You have an attitude, a big one.
U = You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
V = You have a very good physique and looks.
W = You like your privacy.
X =You never let people tell you what to do.
Y = You cause a lot of trouble.
Z = You're always fighting with someone.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

If your are muscian

Lateral thinking

This puzzle is called Lateral Thinking.
Scroll down slowly and be honest to yourself.

Think like a wizard . . .
man
Q1. ---------
board

Ans. = man overboard
Okay, let's see if you've got the hang of it.

stand
Q2. ------------
i

Ans. = I understand

OK . . .
Got the drift ?

Let's try a few now and see how you fare ?

Q3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/ g/

Ans. = reading between the lines

Q4. r
          road
       a
       d

Ans. = cross road

Not having a good day now, are you ? Redeem yourself.

Q5. cycle
cycle
cycle

Ans. = tricycle

Not easy to figure out ha!

      0
Q6. ---------
       M.D.
       Ph.D.

Ans. = two degrees below zero

C'mon give it a little thought! !

     knee
Q7. ------------
     light

Ans. = neon light
( knee - on - light )

U can prove u r smart by getting this one.

ground
Q8. ------------ ---
feet feet feet feet feet feet

Ans. = six feet underground

Oh no, not again ! !

Q9. he's X himself

Ans. = he's by himself

Now u messing up big time.

Q10. ecnalg

Ans. = backward glance

Not even close! !

Q11. death ..... life

Ans. = life after death

Okay last chance ............ ......

Q12. THINK

Ans. = think big ! !

And the last one is real fundoo - - -

Q13. ababaaabbbbaaaabbbb ababaabbaaabbbb. ..

Ans. = long time no 'C'

Sardar Jokes

Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Interviewer: Which year?
Sardar: Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR

Manager asked to sardar at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.

After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this
village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, 'Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is
Jayanthi.

When sardar was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror. Sardar shouted, 'You are trying to see my wife? Sit back. I will drive.

Interviewer: just imagine your in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Guys rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1." ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant it the other way.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

129 SMSes to make you smile

Ek yug tha jab log apne ghar ke dwar pe likhte the: ATITHI DEVO BHAVA
Phir likha: SHUBH LABH
Phir likhne lage: U R WELCOME
Aur ab likhte hain: KUTTON SE SAVDHAN

Ravan was sent to court & was asked to keep a hand on Geeta.
He refused saying: Sita par hath rakh kar itni musibat aayi! Ab Geeta pe haath nahin rakhunga

Kuri waley Munde nu: Tusi nonveg khandey ho?
Munda: HaanSharaab?HaanDrugs?HaanJua?HaanSab kuch negative hai, kuch positive ve hai?
Munda: Haanji, HIV+

Khuda kare tujhe khushiyan hazaar mile, mujhse bhi achche yaar mile, meri galfriend tujhe raakhi baandhe aur tujhe ek aur behan ka pyar mile

Ganguly’s Son: Yeh Kya, Daddy Sixer pe Sixer maare jaa rahe hain Hain?
Ganguly’s Wife: Arey beta, yeh toh ADVERTISEMENT Hai !

U luv sumone... u marry sumone else. The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband & the one u loved becomes the password of your emai id...!

Baniye ki wife bimaar thi, light na hone ki wajah se usne candle jala di aur bola: Doc ko lene jaa raha hun, agar tumhe lage ki tum nahin bachogi to plz candle bujha dena

A boy goes to see a cabare dance. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see?
Boy: Yes, I saw dad.

In French: Bon jour
In Spanish: Te QuiroIn
Italian: Teamo
In Yugoslav: Volim Te
In English: Good Morning
In Punjabi: Uth Moya Kam te nahi jana?

Baba ji ka mela laga hai haridwar mein. Prashad mein Recharge Coupon diye jayenge. Kisi aur ko mat batana. Ye SMS sirf chuninda bhikhariyon ko bheje ja raha hai

Bahu: Maan ji, yeh abhi tak nahin aaye, kahin kisi dusri ladki ke saath...
Saas: Arey kalmuhi, tu hamesha ulta kyun sochti hai? Aisa bhi to ho sakta hai ki kisi truck ke neeche aa gaya ho

It takes 15 trees to produce the amount of paper that we use to write one exam. Join us in promoting the noble cause of saving trees. SAY NO TO EXAMS

Teri awaz sunne ko jab taras jata hoon, to ghisa pita cd player chala leta hoon. Teri surat ko jab taras jaata hoon, to cartoon network laga leta hoon. Waqt hona chaiye kisi ko yaad karne ke liye, bahane to apne aap hi mil jate hain

Red Rose: Luv
Yelloe Rose: Friendship
White Rose: Peace

Which Rose for u?
Nima Rose.

Tan ki Durgandh Dur Kare, De Taazgi

Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai, aaj nahin aaya, kaha na kabhi kabhi aata hai

Thought for the future generation: Don't marry & make a woman happy. In fact remain a bachelor & make several women happy.

Ek ladka ek ladki k saath baitha tha. 2nd day doosri ladki k saath deha gaya. 3rd day koi aur ladki thi. 4th day kisi nayi ladki ke saath tha

Moral: Ladkiyan badal jaati hain, ladke nahin badaltey

Santa: Tommy ne meri saari kitaab kha layi
Mother: Ohnu mere kole leke aa mein usnu saja dewan
Santa: Saja ta mein de diti, usdi kauli wala dudh mein pee gaya

Who is more satisfied, a man with a million dollars, or a man with six children?

The man with six children. The man with a million dollars wants more

A doting father used to sing his little children to sleep until he overheard the four-year-old tell the three year old, "If you pretend you're asleep, he stops."

Girl's excuses: Phone mat kiya karo dear, mom hoti hai near, papa se lagta hai fear, baat nahin hoti hai clear. Isliye SMS kiya karo dear without fear n very clear

What's the definition of a skeleton?A striptease that went just too far...

Naukrani: Malkin aap udaas kyon hain?
Malkin: Tumhare sahab apne office ki kisi ladki se pyaar karte hai.
Naukrani: Nahin, sahab mujhe dhokha nahin de sakte

Train mein TT Sadhu se bola: Kahan jana hai?
Sadhu: Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha.
TT: Ticket hai?
Sadhu: Nahin
TT: Chalo
Sadhu: Kahan?
TT: Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha.. Jail mein

Girl: If u'll try to kiss me, main shor macha doongi.
Boy: Lekin yahan to dur-dur tak koi nahin hai.
Girl: I know but formality to karni hi padegi…

In a class, teacher asked: If I buy an item@ 12.75 n sell @ 15.24, it's loss or profit?
Pappu: Profit in rupees & loss in paise

Once in a jungle all the animals were eating PAN PARAG PAN MASALABut girraffe was not eating. Why?

Because Oonche log oonchi pasand MANIKCHAND

1980 girls: Maan mei Jeans pehanungi
Maan : Nahin beti log kya kahengey?
2006 girls: Maan mein mini skirt pehanungi
Maan: Pehen le beti kuch to pehan le!

Nasha aankho me hota hai Sharaab mein nahin, Sharddha Dil me hoti hai Mandir mein nahin..... Dosti SMS karne se badhti hai, SMS padhne se nahi....

Exams ke 4 din pehle syllabus dekha to yaad aaya,Kuch To Hua Hai Kuch Ho Gaya Hai,
Exams ke din paper dekh kar yaad aaya, Sab Kuch Alag Hai Sab Kuch Naya Hai

Lamha Lamha Waqt Guzar Jayega,Chand Lamhon Men Exam Sar Pe Ajayega,Abhi Bhi Waqt Hai Do Line Padh Lo,Warna Paas Kia Munna Bhai Karwae Ga!

Mohabbat 1 bar ho jaye us ko bholapan kehtay hain, 2 bar ho jaye us ko dewaanapan kehtay hain, 3 bar hoo jaye us ko pagalpan kehtay hain, agar phir bhi na rukhay to use kameenapan kehtay hai

Khuda bachaye hamein in haseenon se, naazneenon se, dilnasheenon se, jaaasheenon se... par inhe kaun bachaye hum kameenon se...

Jab apka SMS ata hai mera rom-rom machal jata hai, sara badan kaamp jata hai, dil main gudgudi si hoti hai. Stupid, yeh apka kasoor nahi, mera phone Vibrator per hota hai

Judge: U r crossing the limits.
Lawyer: Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai?
Judge: How dare you call me saala?
Lawyer: My Lod, I said kaun 'Sa Law' kehta hai?

Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.
Saheb: Kal aana.
Bhikhari: Saala is kal kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon rupaye fase huye hain

Bhagwan apki umar lambi karey! Bhagwan apko Naukri de! Bhagwan apko Khush rakhe! Bhagwan apko Barkat de! Yaad ho gaya? Chal phir Katora utha aur shooru ho ja

Jodhpur jail ordered the purchase order of 999 shirts n 1000 pants for inmates.
Guess y this odd combination?

Salman Khan is coming

May our friendship turn into silver, silver into gold, gold into diamonds... and may our diamonds be forever... Then we'll sell it OK? Fifty-Fifty

Devdas's matrimonial ad- Wanted wife. Age no bar! Height No bar! Luks no bar! Caste No Bar!But gal's father shoul have his own Bar

Generation Next Motto: Na hum shaadi karenge, na apne bachchon ko karne denge.

Mallika went to a swimming pool in a BRA & PANTY.
Guard: Madam here 2 piece costume is not allowed!
Mallika: Kaun sa utaroon?

Always start your day with a lot of S E X
S-mile
E-nergy
X-citement

so make SEX a daily habit, & u'll always be SMILING!

Gal: Do u have any sentimental love cards?
Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says 'To the only boy I ever loved'
Gal: Great! I want 10 of them

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho... Kuch nahi yaar bas aapki shakal yaad aa gayi!

What's the difference between wife n neighbours wife?
Wife is a chocolate, can have any time. Neighbour's wife is like an ice-cream, shud hv immediately.

How do u know when kids start to grow up?
Gals grow up when they start to put lipstick n boys grow up when they start to wipe it off!

A baby fish asked her mother: Y can't we live on earth?
Mother Fish: Earth is not the place for FISH, it's made for SELFISH.

In chemistry class teacher asked a gal: what r Nitrates
Gal answered shyly: night rates, they r costlier than day.

When I go wrong, I need ur hand 2 correct, wen emotions bust out, I need ur hand 2 catch, wen I win, I need ur hand 2 pat.
n short:Ye Haath Mujhe De De Thakur

The Madrasi said: I want to see the movie 'Heart is umbrella'.
Which movie did he really want to see?

Dil Chhata Hai.......

I saw u on road today. U were lukin so fine, ur face so divine, ur walk so perfect. My heart started singing a sweet song: Who Let The Dog Out!

When words fail... eyes work,when eyes fail... heart works,and when heart fails... to kya?,samajh le TAPAK gaya 'MAAMU'

Teacher: Four beautiful girls are walking on the road. Change it to exclamatory sentence.
Student: WOW !

Q: Which boy has the permission to get into a girls' bathroom and touch her anywhere he likes?
A: Lifebuoy (soap)

When u feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you, the world seems to be fading away, come along with me I'll take u to an eye specialist!

Unlike others your brain is a masterpiece. In the left half, nothing is right and in the right half, nothing is left..

Q: What's the difference between gud & bad gals?
A: Gud gals loosen a few buttons when its hot, bad gals make it hot by loosening a few buttons!

Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito to her mother.Yes, but be aware, pay attention during the applause.

A Guy picks up a girl for the date. Why are u wearing ur belt around ur knee.?
Girl: I promised my mom that I wouldn't let you touch me below my belt.

When you get this SMS, send it to 1 person u love, 1 u hate, 1 u always think of and 1 u wish to kill.
Now, keep guessing why I sent it to u.

Jab tum hanstey ho to lagta hai ki insaan pehle bandar tha!
Dekho gussa mat karo kyonki jab tum gussa karte ho to lagta hai ki insaan aaj bhi bandar hai.

Consequences of American life style: The wife rushed into house screaming 2 her husband, Darling, Come quick! Ur kids n my kids r beating our kids.

A young man asks a kind priest: Father is it a sin to sleep with a girl?
Father: No my child but the problem is that u guys never sleep.

WhY does Waheeda Rehman never changes her saree in the film GUIDE?
Coz Dev Anand says: O mere humrahi, meri baanh thame chalna, badle duniya SARI, tum na badalna.

Like energy, love can neither be created nor destroyed. It can just be transferred from one girlfriend to another girlfriend.

The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass & flowers too. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn't it rain on you?

What's the difference between pleasure and torture? Pleasure is thinking of you & torture is thinking of you too much.

Santa: Tainu tairna aanda hai?
Banta: No
Santa: Tere naalon ta kutte changey ne jehre tair lende ne
Banta: Tenu tairna aanda hai?
Santa: Aaho
Banta: Pher tere te kutte ch ki farak hai?

I can kiss u without even touching u.
Gal: U can't
Santa: Lagi 10-10 ki
Gal: Ok
Santa kisses her lips
Gal: Touch kar liya, touch kar liya
Santa: Ye le 10 Rs

Santa: Oye, ladki dekh, kitni sohni hai.
Banta: Mujhe to uska naam bhi pata hai.
Santa: Kya naam hai.
Banta: Mein bank gaya tha, vahan yeh ek counter pe baithi thi, name plate pe likha tha: Chaalu Khata

Pappu: Bapu idhar aa...
Jeeto: Aise nahin bolte beta, daddy ko izzat se bulate hai.
Pappu: Bapu, izzat ke sath idhar aaja.

Lady Secretary: Sir, it's ur wife's call. She wants to kiss on u the phone.
Santa: Take msg and give me later.

Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto,
Banta asks: Y r u removin a wheel from ur auto?
Santa: Can't u read 'Parking for two wheelers only'

Veeru: Basanti in kutton ke aage mat naachna.Santa sitting with his dog in d theater. Saali naachegi kaise nahi, kutte ka bhi ticket liya hai

Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis k liye?
Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi to tumhare liye.

Santa: Raat film vich ik chudail kade mere aggey, kade mere pichchey...
Jeeto: Kehri film si ?
Santa: Apne vyah di movie si !

Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA

Santa apni gal friend ko I Luv kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I'm falling in love.

Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye

In a train compartment husband: Darling, mujhe to tumhari aatma se pyar hai, tumhare jism ki mujhe koi chah nahin. Main tumhari rooh ko chahta hoon, tumhara shareer tio mein kutton ko daal doon.Banta sitting on upper berth says: BOW BOW

Santa & Banta were going with their friend on one scooter & a traffic cop tried to stop them.
Santa said: Sorry bhaji, already 3 baithe hain bilkul bhi jagah nahin hai

Banta: Y do u take ur wife only to night clubs?
Santa: By the time she gets ready no other place is open

Museum Administrator: That's a 500 year old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one

Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?
Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am

A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelen.
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoe pehen ke aata hun.

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I hv lst my hand, oh!
Santa: Control urself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr.....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...

Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated... drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!

Santa apni khoobsurat Bibi k saath car mein baitha. Driver ne sheesha set kiya. Santa gusse mein bola, meri bibi ko dekhkta hai, piche baith, car mein chalaoonga!

Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio!

Banta: U looked troubled, what’s ur prob?
Santa: I’m going to b a father
Banta: But, that's wonderful
Santa: What's wonderful! My wife doesn't know about it yet .

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child

Napoleon: There is no such word as 'Impossible' in my dictionary.
Santa: Taan dictionary vekh ke kharidni si ...!

Santa breaks an egg to make an omelet. He finds the egg empty. Gets frustrated & says: Aaj kal murguian bhi abortion karati hai

Santa: If I die will u remarry?
Jeeto: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Santa: No, I'll also stay with ur sister

Lady: Time kitna hua hai?
Banta: Bra Panties.Lady: Time poocha hai Nonsense.
Banta: Time hi to bataya hai 12.35

Santa suffering from cold was shivering. His son called a doc.
Doc: wht happened?
Son: Bimari da ta pata nahun par baapu saver da VIBRATION mode te lagaya hai

A man to Santa: Ur friend is kissing ur wife in ur home.Santa rushes home and came back within half an hour n slapped the man n said: He's not my friend

Santa goes to buy a underwear. On choosing one he asks: How much for this?
Shopkeeper: Rs 500
Santa: Arey bhai daily waer dikhaao, Party wear nahin chahiye.

Banta: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?
Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.

Santa sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Couple of seconds later he received a report on his phone and he started to dance.
The report said: 'Delivered'

Gurdas Maan: Santa ji, aapke bhai ki shaadi mein kitne gaane gaane hain, us hisab se rate lagega?
Santa: 2-3 gaa kar prg shuru kar dena, baad mein sharabi baraat ne generator ki awaaz par hi naachte rehna hai

Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day.
Banta asked: What are you doing?
Santa: Drying sweat

Santa was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing and he answered: Waiting for autumn

Pappu was writing his father's name on a 1000 Watt bulb.
Santa asked him: What are you doing?
Pappu: Aapka naam roshan kar raha hoon.

Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai

Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.

Pappu while filling up a form: What should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long.....!

Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey Bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya?
Banta: Apple khane.Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Banta: Pata hai, Apple saath laya hoon.

Santa falls in luv with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."

Teacher: Pappu, TAMSO MA JYOTIR GAMYA" shloka ka kya arth hai?
Pappu: Tum so jayo maa, mein Jyoti ke pass ja raha hoon.

Santa went out to buy an Indian flag. The shop owner gave him the flag. Guess what did he ask next...Ismein aur colour dikhayiye.

Santa: Why Americans stop printing stamps with photo of Pamela Anderson?
Banta: Coz people started licking the wrong side of it for pasting them on the envelopes.

Banta ek sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?

Dress code 4 a party - BLACK TIES ONLY.Banta goes for the party & is surprised to see that the other guests are wearing SUITS also!

Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.

Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.

Q: Why Santa is standing below the Tube light with an open mouth.
A: Because Doctor has advised him: 'Aaj Light Khana hai!'

Santa: I’m a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Banta: What’s he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!

Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.

What's Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi

Q: Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window?
A: He wanted to see butterfly!

Once Professor Santa asked a plumber to come to his college. You know why?Because he wanted to check from where the question paper is leaking.

Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.

Petrol ke rate badhne par Santa bola: "Menu koi farak nahin penda. Pehle bhi 100 ka bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon."

Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes first - the chicken or the egg?O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!

Santa walks into a library & says, "Can I have a burger and coke?"
Librarian, "I'm sorry, this is a library."
Santa whispers, "Can I have a burger & fries?"

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Deciphering corporate lingo

'We will do it' means 'You will do it'.
'You have done a great job' means 'More work to be given to you'.
'We are working on it' means 'We have not yet started working on the same'.
'Tomorrow first thing in the morining' means 'Its not getting done... At least not tomorrow!'.
'After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views' means ' I have already decided, I will tell you what to do'.
'There was a slight miscommunication' means 'We had actually lied'.
'Lets call a meeting and discuss' means ' I have no time now, will talk later".
'We can always do it' means 'We actually cannot do the same on time'.
'we are on the rith track but there needs to be a slight extension of the dealine' means 'The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.'
'We had slight differences of opinion' means 'We had actually fought'.
'Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you' means 'Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me'.
'You should have told me earlier' means 'Well even if you tole me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!'
'We need to find out the real reason' means 'Well I will tell you where your fault is'.
'Well... family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected' means ' Well you know ...'
'We are a team' means ' I am not the only one to be blamed'.
'That's actually a good question' means 'I do not know anything about it'.
'all the Best' means 'You are in trouble

What does it means?

When a GIRL is quiet ... millions of things are running in her mind.
When a GIRL is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply.
When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions ... she is wondering how long you will be around.
When a GIRL answers ' I'm fine ' after a few seconds ... she is not at all fine.
When a GIRL stares at you she is wondering why you are lying.
When a GIRL lays on your chest .. she is wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a GIRL wants to see you everyday... she wants to be pampered
When a GIRL says ' I love you ' .. she means it.
When a GIRL says ' I miss you ' .... no one in this world can miss you more than that.
Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person ....

Find a guy ..

who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
who calls you back when you hang up on him.
who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who ... kisses your forehead.
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.
Who holds your hand in front of his friends.
Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
Who turns to his friends and says, ' That's her!! '

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Read your fingerprints...

It is already an accepted fact that every single person in the world has a different set of fingerprints. The Chinese have devised a way to read personality & destiny traits by studying the waves and the circles that appear at the tips of everyone's fingers – indeed so convinced are they that in the old days the fingers of prospective daughters-in-law were carefully scrutinized by prominent families to ensure they did not unwittingly welcome women who had fingers that showed alternate circles and waves on their fingers, as it was commonly believed that such women would bring trouble into the family, being particularly difficult to control and usually very aggressive.

In this issue of FSW we bring you some indications of destiny & personality traits based on the circles and waves on the five fingers of each hand. Guys should examine their left hands while women should look at their right hands.

Here are the two different patterns of circles and waves seen on every finger. To make a reading, look at your thumb print first, then your index finger, your middle finger, your ring finger and then your little finger in that order. This is the sequence that offers clues to your destiny & fortunes of your life.

For ease of reference we shall refer to circles as Os and to waves as Ws.

Fingers: OOOOO (all whorls) Means: This person is very confident, has a strong character and a hot temper. He/she is an independent person. The luck of this person changes dramatically in life from one period to the next. The undoing of this person will be his/her hot temper so it is vital that this person must learn to be patient and calm.

Shape: WWWWW (all waves) Means: This person is a straightforward honest person who goes with the flow. The fingers indicate someone very sensitive, who is especially suited to design and creative work. People with these fingerprint patterns tend to be shy and uncomfortable in social situations, so are not suited to work in PR, politics or any kind of work requiring them to meet people.

Shape: OWWWO Means: If you can choose a prestigious working career, you will be very successful. However, you should avoid the tendency to get big-headed and you must never take your career for granted. You should also watch your back, as you tend to attract jealousy into your life and could get betrayed. Always look for long-term benefits.

Shape: OWWOW Means: You will need to work harder during the early days of your career. When you reach middle and older age, you will get recognition and wealth luck. So your life gets better the older you get.

Shape: OWOWW Means: It is vital that you resist the tendency to be narrow-minded in your attitudes and in the way you think and work. Try to be humble and learn as much as possible. This is how you will get influential help that brings you to the peak of your business and career life.

Shape: WOOOO Means: You are a very clear-minded person. As long as you work hard, you are guaranteed to be successful. Even though you tend to be in a hurry, there will be those who help you along. You are also a person with a kind heart.

Shape: OOOOW Means: Because you are kind and have an in-built polite attitude, you will easily get help from older persons and friends. You will enjoy great success in your working life and your only weakness is you don't trust people too easily. This can make you too conservative.

Shape: OOOWW Means: You have a tendency to be bad tempered, and rather quick to judge. This is a shallow attitude and could easily get you onto the wrong path. If you can correct this tendency of yours, you will have great success. The potential is in you, so try to be calm in your approach.

Shape: OWWWW Means: You have good character but can only become really successful in older age. Be prepared to have to work really hard during your younger and middle age periods, but you will become a successful person in older years.

Shape: WOWWW Means: You are very good in the social skills. No matter what industry you are in, you like to take risk and you will always face uncertainty. Be careful as the later years of your life could bring yet more challenges. Take less risk as you get older.

Shape: WWOWW Means: You are a person who has high vision and heavy responsibility. Be careful. Your visions could get you into serious difficulty. Better to stay more grounded, then your life will have greater success.

Shape: WWWOW Means: You are very intelligent and will enjoy a lot of scholastic honours. You will have a smooth life and benefit from wealth luck. If you can work hard, you will become a great and successful person.

Shape: WWWWO Means: You will inherit a business or property from your parents or from an older person. Even though you are a capable person and can be successful in your own business, your tendency towards impatience could get you into a lot of difficulty.

Shape: OOWWW Means: You have a tendency to be proud and snobbish, although deep inside you are a kind-hearted person. Your social skills however need improving. Your relatives tend to take advantage of you.

Shape: WOWWO Means: You are a deep thinking person. At a young age, you are already thinking of your future. You will enjoy a smooth and peaceful life; you will be very happy in your old age.

Shape: WOWOO Means: You are a very sociable person and you enjoy the carefree kind of life going out, partying and clubbing. When you reach middle and older age, you will rely on people to support you. Be warned, if you do not prepare yourself, you might have a hard time during your older years.

Shape: WOWOW Means: You are not an easy person to control or to convince, as you are something of a rebel. If you can stay focused on what you want from life, you will be successful. The problem is that you can be fickle and vague in what you really want from life.

Shape: WWOWO Means: Your whole life is full of ups and downs, successes and failures. However, if you can move steadily step-by-step, you can enjoy a peaceful life as you grow into maturity.

Shape: WWWOO Means: You are very kindhearted person and there will be good people in your life, as you will attract these kinds of people towards you. Work hard and you will easily reap your just rewards. You will definitely become successful.

Shape: OWWOO Means: You will get recognition and become famous. Even though your life appears unstable during your earlier years of working life and you need to work hard in your thirties, when you reach maturity, your life gets better and better.

Shape: WWOOW Means: You are a very capable person, but you tend to lack good judgement. You also tend to start something and then lose interest. Stay focused if you want to succeed.

Shape: OWOOW Means: You are a noble person with a good character. You tend to be very helpful towards colleagues and friends so you are a popular person. Because you can think in-depth and have sensitivity towards others, you will enjoy success in the creative fields.

Shape: OWOWO Means: You are blessed with a fast and formidable intellect. You work very quickly and with great effectiveness. However, your character is very aggressive and people tend to be intimidated by you. If you can correct this trait, you can rise to great heights.

Shape: WWOOO Means: You are a very straightforward person. But your thinking tends to be rather naïve and shallow. Even though your suggestions are good, if you don't think through what you say, you should not be surprised if people tend to ignore your views. Your speech tends to lack power.

Shape: OOWOW Means: You are a high-minded person, able to see and grab opportunities. You are best suited to work in the financial and investment fields. Your luck gets better as you grow older.

Shape: OOWWO Means: You are a very honest and reputable person. You have little urge to get rich or pursue material wealth. But watch it, if you don't know how to take care of yourself, you can easily get conned and taken advantage of by people.

Shape: OOOWO Means: Your social skills are good, so you attract guidance and help from influential people. Many people help you in your rise to prominence, and your luck turns fabulous in later years.

Shape: OOWOO Means: You are a very brave and hardworking person. A lot of people trust you when you are young. However, unless you work at preserving your reputation, you could make enemies on your rise up and find that life becomes harder as you get older.

Shape: OWOOO Means: You are a kindhearted character and easily get along with others. You are not good at doing business, but you are good as a teacher or even as a spiritual master. You can enjoy success in the academic world.

Shape: WOOWW Means: You are reputable and have a peaceful character. So you are definitely someone who can become successful and recognized. However, because of your tendency towards pride, you could end up offending the wrong people.

Shape: WOOWO Means: You are a simple but logical person. If you can focus on the fundamentals of life and adopt a step-by-step approach in your climb up the success ladder and not be too impatient, you will benefit from wealth luck and be honored by people.

Shape: WOOOW Means: You are a straight talking person who is forthright in your approach. You are strong in character, playful but you also easily offend people. But you are also lucky because when you reach middle age, you will rise to a prominent position and your luck really changes for the better

Newton comit sucide...

Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.

In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid.

Here are a few scenes

Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured!

Long Live Rajanikanth!!!
In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters.Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife. Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.
Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess, hat he does. Nah? not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots,Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun.

Bang... the gangster dies...

This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics.The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed.

Oops, not so fast! The 'climax' finally arrives. Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it's the climax.

(Newton Bhai is smiling since it is virtually impossible?) Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead. & Newton commits suicide

Test Yourself!!!

Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the bottom for the result.This is not a trick question, its just testing thyself!

Q. A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met this guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy> was amazing, so much her dream guy she believed him to be just that! She fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister.

Question: What is her motive in killing her sister?
(Give this some thought before you answer, keep your answer in mind and SCROLL DOWN).

Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear at the funeral again. If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath.

This was a test by a famous American Psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer.

Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly.> If you didn't answer the question correctly good for you. If you got the answer correct, please let me know so I can take you off of my email list unless that will tick you off, then> I'll just be extra nice to you from now on.

Be sure to share the test.

Interesting Facts

Thought you may find this of interest.

TWO TOUGH QUESTIONS

Question 1:

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before looking at the answer for this one.

Question 2:

It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three leading candidates.

Candidate A -Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists.He's had two Mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B -He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps untilnoon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C -He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.

Which of these candidates would be your Choice?

Decide first, no peeking, then scroll down for the answer.

Candidate A: is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B : is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C: is Adolph Hitler.

And, by the way, the answer to the abortion question: If you said yes, you just killed Beethoven.Pretty interesting isn't it?

Makes a person think before judging someone.

Never be afraid to try something new.

Remember:Amateurs built the ArkProfessionals built the Titanic and in case you never saw this one..! .

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:

29 have been accused of spousal abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
19 have been accused of writing bad checks
117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3 have done time for assault
71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
14 have been arrested on drug related charges
8 have been arrested for shoplifting
21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

Can you guess which organization this is?

Give up yet?

It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group of idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Kya aap paachvi paas se tez hai Hits: 18 Rating:

Test your skill with this paachvi pass question. Enjoy
Kya aap paachvi paas se tez hai ??

IF

1 = 5
2 = 25
3 = 125
4 = 625
5 = ?

Please think twice before scrolling

Answer = 1 REMEMBER THE FIRST LINE. 1 = 5

MORAL OF THE PROBLEM: DON'T COMPLICATE SIMPLE PROBLEMS IN LIFE

I'm Web Designer

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Career Songs for all Professionals

1. when in college !!
Hum honge kaamiyaab, Hum honge kaamiyaab ek din…..

2. when giving interview to Multi National Company
Tu hi re.. Too hi ree. tere binaaa main kaise jiyunn….

3. waiting for interview result!!
Intehaa ho gai Intzaarki.. aayinaaa kuch khabar mere yaarki…

4. just joined
Too cheez bhadi hai mast mast…..

5. after some time…
Ye kahaan aagaye hum??

6. After some more time…
Naa koyi umang hai, naa koyi tarang hai, mere
jindagi kya ek kati Pathang hai (booohoooo)

7. floating the resume
kabootar ja ja ja… kabootar ja ja ja…

8. finally when you don’t get a better offer any longer
Jeena yehaan, marna yehaan iske siwa jaana kahan.

HOW TO LIGHT A CIGARETTE??

Question: You are in a boat in the middle of a river. You have 2 Cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You don't have anything else with you in the boat? How will you do it?

Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the boat will become LIGHTER........using this LIGHTER you can light the other Cigarette.

Another deadly answer.
Scroll down a little...:
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Another solution: You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches win Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette.

If that was not enough, one more deadly answer.... scroll down...:
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Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop...(TIP - TIP)'TIP TIP barsa Pani. Pani ne aag lagayee.'us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee'.

If that was not enough, one more deadly answer.... scroll down..:
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:Start praising one cigarette, The other will get jealous & 'jalney lagega'

Monday, August 11, 2008

Different Phases of Sex Life

AGE 20 - DIN RAAT

AGE 28 - ROOZ RAAT

AGE 38 - JUMME RAAT

AGE 48 - CHAAD RAAT

AGE 58 - ONLY JAZBAAT

AGE 68 - BURI BAAT...

Which grade you should be in?

Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her first-grade pupils.

"Johnny, what is your problem?"

Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first Grade. My sister is in third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

Ms Brooks had had enough, so she took Johnny to the principal's office.

The principal agreed that he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.

He started by asking Johnny some simple arithmetic.

"What is three times three?"
"Nine, Sir."

"How much is nine times six?"
"Fifty-four."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looked at Ms Brooks and said, "I think Johnny can go to third grade! He seems smart enough."

Ms Brooks said to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"

The principal and Johnny both agreed.

Ms Brooks asked, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Johnny, after a moment, answered "Legs, Ma'am"
"What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

"Pockets!"
"OK, what does a dog do that a man steps into?"

"Pants."
"What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"

"Coconut. !"
"What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny was taking charge.

"Bubblegum!"
"What does a man do standing up, a woman does! sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

"Shake hands, Ma'am."
"Now for some "Who am I" sort of questions, OK? First one. You stick your poles inside me, you tie me down to get me up, and I get wet before you do."

Johnny, quick as ever, answered, "Tent!"
"OK, a finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first."
The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense.

But Johnny was on the ball with "Wedding Ring!"
"I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good."

"Nose."
"Right, I have a stiff shaft, my tip penetrates, and I come with a quiver."

"Arrow."
"Good, now for the last one. What word starts with an 'F', ends in K', and means a lot of heat and excitement?"

"Fire truck, Ma'am!"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send him to university!!!!, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Shit Happens

Sometimes when shit happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you've, taken a shit. Here are some shit definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family...

Ghost Shit
You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.
Teflon Coated Shit
Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!
Gooey Shit
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
Second Thought Shit
You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.
Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit
This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
Bali Belly Shit
You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.
Right Now Shit
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.
King Kong or Commode Choker Shit
This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.
Wet Cheeks Shit
This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.
Wish Shit
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit!
Cement Block or Oh God Shit
You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.
Snake Shit
This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.
Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit)
Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.
Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers)
You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.
Beer Drunk Shit
This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at someone else's house.
The Frightened Turtle
The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in
The Bungee Shit
The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.
The Ring of Fire Shit
The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.
The Crippler
The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.
The Big Bobber
The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.
The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.
The Jack the Ripper Shit
The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out.
The Party Pooper
The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.
Dirty Bowl Shit
The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl
The Windy City Shit
When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.
Oh Shit! Shit
You shit so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH SHIT!
The Never Ending Shit
It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Ouch That Hurt Shit
The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Amazing Advertising. Heights of Creativity

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Chalk drawings from Julian Beever

Julian Beever is an English artist who's famous for his art on the pavement of England, France, Germany, USA, Australia and Belgium . Beever gives to his drawings an amazing 3D illusion.