HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times."DO YOU HEAR THAT?""What?""Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly gone, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

Funny Error Messages

Age of Computer

What Do We Work For?

Son: "Daddy, may I ask you a question"
Daddy: "Yeah sure, what it is?"
Son: "Dad, how much do you make an hour"
Daddy: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?"
Son: "I just want to know. Please tel! l me, how much do you make an hour?"
Daddy: "I make Rs. 500 an hour""Oh",
the little boy replied, with his head down. Looking up, hesaid,

"Dad, may I please borrow Rs. 300?"

The father was furious, "if the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or other nonsense, then march yourself to your room and go to bed."

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money? After about an hour or so, the man had calmed, down, and started to think:"May be there was something he really needed to buy with that Rs. 300 and he really didn't ask for money very often!"

The man went to the door of little boy's room and opened the door. "Are you a! sleep, son?" He asked."No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy."I've been thinking, may be I was too hard on you earlier", said the man, "It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the Rs.300 you asked for."The little boy sat straight up, smiling "oh thank you dad!", he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled some crippled up notes. The man, seeing that the boy already had money,started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at his father."Why do you want money if you already had some?" the father grumbled."Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied."Daddy I have Rs. 500 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you".

MORAL OF THE STORY

It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family.

A Funny forward

A very funny forward i received...

Shopkeeper: Oh ho Deepika ji , aaiye aaiye, ye lijiye aapka sab saman taiyar

After looking to someother soap which is not Nirma

Deepika(Customer):Nahi Nahi ye nahi woh(pointing at nirma).

Shopkeeper:Par aap to hamesha woh, purana wala sabun....(stammering)

Deepika(Customer):Leti thi, par wahi safedi mujhe kam damo mein mile to koi ye kyun le, wo(nirma) na le!

Shopkeeper:Man gaye!!

Deepika(Customer):Kise?

Shopkeeper:Aapki parkhi nazar aur nirma super dono ko !!!

Now the song starts... ;-)

WASHING POWDER NIRMA
WASHING POWDER NIRMA
DUDH SE SAFEDI NIRMA SE AAYE
RANGEEN KAPDA BHI KHIL KHIL JAYE
SABKI PASAND NIRMA
WASHING POWDER NIRMA
NIRMA....... ......... ...


LOGO KO KUCH BHI BHEJO PADHNE LAG JATE HAIN........

kya yaar kab sudhroge....

By the year 3000

NEWTON's LAWS OF ROMANCE

Newton in romantic mood
Universal law:" Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "

First law:" A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl > >in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and> >break the legs of the boy. "

Second law:" The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance.

"Third law:> " The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping." Don't you have time.....

You Know You Are a Nepali When.....

• You think Mustang is the name of a place.
• You look up when you hear an airplane.
• You point with your lips or with your middle finger.
• Whenever you meet someone you ask, " Have you had your food?" ( bhat khayao?)
• You meet someone in a movie hall and ask, " Have you come to watch a movie?" ( cinema herna ayeko?)
• You call all action movies " action pacck"
• You meet an elder and he/she asks you, " when did you come back?"
• You know the three Ds of partying. i.e- dance, drink and dangdung.
• You think all festivals mean relatives playing cards and getting drunk.
• You cannot drink without chicken chilly and momos.
• You think chicken chilly and momo are nepali food.
• You are crossing a one way street and you have to check both sides. ( daya ani baya )
• You get annoyed when people think you are from Naples.
• Your relatives give you money whenever you visit them. ( even when you are 40)
• When you see a pair of slippers upside down ( ulta chappal) you have to turn it around.
• You dont cut your nails at night. ( alas the devil might take You and yourfamily)
• You feel you havent eaten if you havent had Bhath ( rice).
• You laugh at everything on Nepali TV but you still watch it.
• You dont know that the buff you have been eating is actually short for buffalo.
• You have been dragged to a mandir on saraswati puja so that you will getgood grades.
• You are not allowed to hum or sing while eating.
• Your grandmum doesnt let you whislle at night.
• You cant date someone if you are not in love.
• You have a problem following rules and standing in line.
• You call anyone rajesh hamal if he has a long back-hair.
• You wait for someone going "tinaa-falaam-boraa-botttl e" when you haveloads of beer cans and bottles,
• You watch korean movie and try to act like one,
• You miss those mountains you used to see the moment you opened your eyes in the morning..
• You go out for lunch/ dinner/ whatever in a group and look at the menu for half an hour and order the following:1. momo2. chowmein3. fried rice4. chicken chilli
• You think of titaura and your saliva glands go wild !!
• You think Toyota Corrolla is the no.1 car in the world!You can sing this song... " super top, ma hun super top... ma luga lai seto paarchu..."
• You miss mango tart, wai wai, rara and hatichap chappal..
• You are good at drunk driving, especially on motorcycles...

Cool Break-up letter. & nice moral !!!

A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girl friend back home. It read as follows: Dear Ricky, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love, Becky

The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.

There were 57 photos in that envelope along with this note: Dear Becky, I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me. Take Care, Ricky

Moral of the story:
If you can't change your fate, change your attitude.

Words can create pictures

Can You Imagine Just the words can create pictures??

Here are some of them...

Peace - War

Threat - Pretext

Dear - Alive

Tirany - Freedom

If you have some more please let me know or post in comment.